Functional Programming is all about using functions. But how far can you take this concept? I'm here to show you that you can take that concept to the extreme. One of the hardest questions functional programmers in the past faced, was how to read from the command line using only functions? Simon Peyton Jones and Philip Wadler proposed using monads in 1993, but monads sound complicated, and besides, what do they know that we don't? In this talk, we will consider this problem ourselves and will solve the problem of changing the world using functions. We might just reinvent the wheel a little, discover something about functional abstractions, functional design patterns, and why articles from 1993 are still relevant today.